Meet the two blokes that in 2009 will make you more jealous than being a midget amongst dwarves
The Fijian training camp conducted in October for next years upcoming European summer provided some dramas for selectors and also provided an insight into what should be an extraordinary 7 week tour of the northern hemisphere in 2009.
The veteran journeyman, Trent DWYER, was an almost certain starter for the summer tour, with new travelling rookie, Murray THOMAS, a hot tip to join him. The two, who room together back home, became a formidable force during the training camp as they took on the touring Scottish women’s side, hammering them on consecutive nights to take the win. THOMAS was instrumental in backing up his more experienced "away court" teammate.
Steven "Ollie" OLVER, a veteran of the 1999/2000 European touring party was in spectacular form during the camp, providing valuable assistance to DWYER and THOMAS, and was named fan favourite by the locals who watched his silky smooth skills. Ollie held a press conference on return to Melbourne, stating that he would not be touring European next year due to personal problems. Sources close to the big man state that his condition is known as "sand in his vagina", a rare disease that is hard to wipe out.
Jarrod DWYER, also put in a solid performance throughout the training camp, somewhat being adopted by the Fijian crowds in the absence of having a local star of their own. But it didn't come without controversy, with the veteran of the 2004 Thailand campaign, inwhich brother Trent DWYER captained, having to explain to selectors why he shouldn't be kicked off the training camp due to his signature "Dick Dance." His brother came out in defence of the embattled star, saying, "Who hasn't ever done a dick dance? Or more so, wanted to do one? Not everyone is equipped to do it and unfortunately I'm one of them. He's letting off steam, he just needs to find a better place to do it than in a crowded bar."
Another man expected to make the trip next year was Greg BUTTIGIEG, a survivor of the 2007 Cambodian touring party that almost saw fellow teammate, Cameron MANELSKI, jailed in Singapore. BUTTIGIEG opted to skip the Fijian training camp and opt for the colder hills of New Zealand in a weird attempt to adapt. The decision proved costly for the little man, returning to Australia with a swollen forehead the size of his girlfriends thumbprint. It is not known how long the swelling is expected to remain and BUTTIGIEG is hoping to join the touring party for at least part of the trip.
Selectors had hoped to enter the European tour with a three pronged attack and putting THOMAS with the two DWYER'S would have been a masterstroke. But with the younger DWYER in the doghouse with selectors, it is uncertain whether he will be allowed on tour. The Australian Government is believed to have expressed their concerns to selectors regarding the possible diplomatic implications should he be allowed to tour.
Many others were contenders for the tour, but for now, selectors have decided to go with just two. Trent DWYER, has been named captain for the third European tour in a row. Murray THOMAS, will take on the role of Shock and Awe, should Jarrod DWYER not tour. If the fans get what they want and Jarrod DWYER tours, then THOMAS will likely be named as European Pig Hunter, a role previously held by such names as OLVER, S. DWYER, IRVING and T. DWYER.
The boys are expected to carry the hopes of the nation as they take on the best, and probably worst, that Europe has to offer.
The tour departs on the 13th of June 2009, with play starting in Rome on the 14th.